Regrets

Dear Hyde,

A while ago I had auditions for the fair fashion show and just so you know, it was a very hard decision for me to make because i didn't have anyone to with! Luckily there was a last minute surprise! Maggie was there; and Vea and Serena.

So then I went, only to find that i stood out because i was  the only one wearing a gray top and wedges whereas everyone else were wearing white shirts and legit sky high heels.

AND OH HOT DAMN, everyone was smoking hot, well duh!

It was fashion show auditions, you needed to be extra skinny and tall.

So obviously, all the "skitalls" ( exceptionally skinny & tall) were all there, which sort of made me feel insecure and vulnerable. Plus, no one told me i had to wear a white shirt or sky high heels! The only thing they said was to wear a "presentable top" "...and heels".

And that was problem number 1: I had no heels,

thank God an angel lent me hers after she was done, but...she was a size 9 and I was a size 7.

I adapted to them somehow, sadly it didn't let me exhibit my full potential on the runway since i had to find a way for them to not fall off my feet by squishing into them. 

I was able to practice my walk a few times..but when the time came for me to walk in front of the judges my bipolar face came on and showed about 20 completely different emotions which completely blew my whole performance. I SO HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THAT.

So there! I blew it because of that stupid mistake. I can only hope and pray for a miracle.

After that, I had to attend my group project thing which was surprisingly productive since Iya was around, then after that Chris wasn't getting fetched yet for certain reasons and so we went to Mcdo, where we saw Allyssa and Karen. We ate and chatted about random things like her break up with J and who was team Matty and who was team Jake, etc. till 7 and then I went home.

Summary: Today :

-i took the risk of auditioning for a fashion show

-was pretty fun, considering I got to talk with my 7th grade classmates after a pretty long time.

End of story!  

xx Amy

P.S. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO GET IN.

P.P.S. Victoria J. was there.



September. 29, 2012
Saturday

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Burning out

This weeks been such a distraction
so far I've had no motivation
been going home everyday at seven
after long walks
and talks at 7-11
it really makes me wonder though
the reasons why I'm feeling low
it's like the laughter isn't enough
like the road is getting rough
it's like the light is slowly burning out
oh how it's starting to leave me in doubt

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Begins Again

Dear Hyde,

It's back from the dead, that feeling of being left out and considered as a second option.
That feeling that I'll never be good enough and no matter how hard I try,
and no matter how amazing it seems in the beginning somehow it's always bound to end.

Like, it's always going to end up with that one person getting tired of me because we've lost our connection, because I'm not interesting enough to actually compete with other people who are way more interesting and fun to be with.

I hate getting my hopes up only to find it crash to and burn to the ground.
God, I wish there was a person who'd never get tired of me (aside from my dad and mom)

xo Amy

September 27, 2012
Thursday

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Lonely

Dear Hyde,

I'm feeling lonely. Why? Well, because yesterday wasn't such an amazing day when that was exactly what I expected it to be. I expected that it would be fun and I wouldn't be awkward or feel out of place, but instead it happened. Not that it was all that bad, it stung just a tiny bit..but it still stung either way.

It changed the assurance of my relationship with certain people, and that's what's making me really lonely, I guess.

Yesterday, I had a talk with a friend and I realized that many of my insecurities come from the things .......... have been doing and saying about me the past few years.

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Chilling out

Dear Hyde,

This September, two big things happened: My Birthday and the event of me having my first few guy friends here in New York. It started with us hanging out at Ralph's crib and playing truth or dare, don't worry Hyde, it was all clean, I am not "that type of girl". 

That's where I met Nick and Liam for the first time, though I've heard so much about Nick from Macy before, she's got the hots for him, but it's pretty complicated since Nick isn't the type of person who makes the move and he's had a few weird past relationships that he openly shares with Macy.  I was with Paige and Macy at the time and it was pretty fun! I've met Ralph before and just fyi he likes Paige and is a totally sweet guy, kinda overprotective at times, but still sweet. Nick wasn't bad looking and AT FIRST I thought Liam was this quiet nerd guy, but then I found out he was pretty cool! Cool, in a way that I was comfortable with him and we always had fun conversations.

xo Amy

Saturday, September 22, 2012

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