Hello Long Gone

Hello Hyde,



 It's been approximately a year (or more) since I've written anything in this blog and opening it (and seeing my girls sparkly theme and title "Spilled Diamonds"??!) just brings back so much memories and I'm having a pretty tough time swallowing the fact that everything and everyone has changed. And though their bodies and names are the same, they're almost a completely new person, it's both beautiful and tragic. Beautiful because it only goes to show that people do change even little by little and things can change and people grow. And a bit depressing because all we have left of those people are memories, all we're left with are their shells, but it shouldn't be that tragic since we'll always have a part of them in us. But feelings are inevitable and it feels like a huge gap in middle of my chest.



 Ever since summer, so much has changed. And I know I left this blog for a reason but I guess this time I don't really mind because I won't be posting anything personal (in detail) so yeah. Fourth year, the year of complete rebelliousness and revolution. All about "young blood" and spilling a bit of it here and there. Escaping, midnight-morning drives, getting high, getting drunk, going to parties, hotbox road trips,making out. Pure shit man. Lol I'm kidding, I only meant escaping and midnight-morning drives.

But so far, the fourth year in high school has been the most corrupted? Perhaps it's turning out to be one of the best though. But not totally wholesome because I feel like I'm only falling for the thrill of it all and the feeling of adolescent freedom. We're going to graduate in a while, and I don't think I'll be able to let go of high school so soon at all.

The same way today, I didn't get to see any of my best friends and I went home early but I went out again to eat and ended up at the rooftop and then Mcdonald's and then home. And I couldn't explain why I was out there, I just felt like something was missing and I didn't know where to find it. And maybe I'll feel that way too after a heart break or graduation. I'm completely terrified.


xoxo
Valerie

Read More

Prom

Dear Hyde,

That moment we've all been waiting for all our little high school lives, the climax of it all has passed by so quickly without even making that big of a boom! Prom is over just like that. And to be honest Hyde, it wasn't as magical as portrayed in all those movies, though it definitely was thrilling to see everyone in long pretty gowns. There wasn't romantic slow dancing, well maybe not for me but it all seemed pretty casual.

Read More

Prom Jerk

Dear Hyde,

Today was pretty good aside from the proven fact that my seatmate loathes me. It sucks, but I can't please everyone you know? So anyway, today me and Dawn had a bonding moment after Paige left for Berkeley and we talked about random stuff and then it somehow drifted off to Grass and Nick and just on and on. It was a great feeling having someone who knew exactly what I meant,it was a really fun conversation! So anyway, yesterday Ralph was pleading for Paige to meet up with him at Berkeley, like totally insistent, and Paige couldn't make up another excuse so she finally agreed. It's funny though how we were talking about the possibilities of Ralph asking her to prom, because it was a definite possibility. Paige actually knew Ralph's plans since Liam told her about it. I mean, Ralph is like, obsessed with Paige. So then, we were actually pretty sure she was going to get promposed to, that very day.

And yes Hyde, our hunch was right,

Ralph asked Paige to prom.

How Ralph promposed to Paige

Ok so I kind of really wanted to witness the whole thing, but the promposal was up to Ralph, and I guess he kind of wanted a one-on-one thing, so Paige went alone.

So umm, I really had to pee but  Dawn and I were too scared to go to the dark unpopulated lavatory at the caffe, nor did we want to hike up to the library all cause I had to go to the loo, but then her driver calls and she had to leave that instant so she couldn't accompany me anymore. And gawd, I was about to explode (uggh gross I know) so anyway I kind of asked Pam if I could go to Berkeley and use Ralph's loo.
( ok so i kind of used it as an excuse to come over and see how things were going..
and in all honesty, plainly to pee)

So I saw the photo of the promposal and the real thing, roses and all. I mean, it was really sweet and all but Paige doesn't really like Ralph. But she was extremely nice to him and said yes. So then, when I got there,I relieved myself, then sat around to witness their conversation about what song to pick for this duet they were recording jff (just for fun), Ralph wouldn't let Paige change the song, which she had difficulty singing because it was too high. It took us literally 15 minutes for him to unwillingly sing the song EVEN WHEN PAIGE WAS PLEADING. And no, he didn't joke around when he was subtly refusing Paige's request. I mean, that's that was kind of rude. I mean, she pleaded with you, that's like legit disrespect to refuse a girl. I mean it's a small thing, but small things like that actually really matter.
Ralph did not leave a good impression.

Amy
12.6.12

Paige-1
Macy-?
Dawn-0
Amy - 0

Read More

Big Ass Sloth

   Dear Hyde, 

My school life is seriously  falling apart, I've totally abandoned my studies even if I know how important it  is. I am addicted to procrastination like it's a drug, and I can't pull away even if it's killing me. It's so fking hard Hyde, i actually think I've got legit issues. I've already applied for a tutorial but it isn't working, I mean what's two hours in a week going to help me with? Honestly, I'd be willing to pay someone if they could just sit in front of me and force me to study! Aside from that I've gotten my third letter from the YLC, I've gotten my 12th tardy and 3rd infraction. If I get 3 more counts for tardiness I'm going to get a C for conduct. I am a big ass sloth.

Amy
12.5.12

Read More

Stupid Post

Dear Hyde,


You have no idea how frustrating it is to be ugly. It just makes you so vulnerable and insecure and prone to judgement.

Sometimes, people can just really bring you down you know? I mean even if it's just a joke or whatever, when you know it's true, it can kind of get to you, even if you know it shouldn't.


And when people are plain beautiful they get anything they want, while you have to work so hard just to get there?


uggh.

Beauty.It's totally superficial yet it's what everyone aims for. Because when you look good, you feel mind-blowingly-amazing and when you feel amazing you gain confidence and  great things start from there.

In fact, even if you aren't that confident, a bunch of great oppurtunities are still thrown your way, just because you're pretty or gorgeous or whatever. And gawd, you do not know how much I have to go through just to look decent enough or even reach the state close enough to pretty.

But no matter how many times I look back at the mirror, it never changes. I'll always be that dark skinned girl with the big fat lips. No matter how skinny I get, no matter how curly my hair grows, no matter how much make-up I put, no matter how poise I train myself to be, no matter what clothes I wear, my face will always stay the same. Honestly, it doesn't really matter if you're skinny or fat, or if you have bad taste in fashion (well maybe a little, but it's totally up to you to change that so it's pretty minimal) what really matters is face and color. It sucks how it's human instinct to bias beauty based on two simple things. Well, maybe those whose minds are on a higher level of sophistication and understanding might see the beauty of the exotic, but on a daily basis it's RARE.

Ok this was a stupid post. I love myself and I am grateful for the many many blessings I have.

I am beautiful but in a different kind of way.

And only the most special people in the world can perceive this kind of beauty. Hooray!

From the beautiful,

Amy

November 25, 2012

Read More

Tragedy Strikes

 

Dear Nerd boy whom I met during fair,

I only got to talk to you because of a silly dare, and I know you couldn't see through my thick black shades but you were staring right into my eyes. Haha everything about you is adorable, and the fact that you don't know it makes you even more adorable. It sucks that we didn't talk about anything else aside from how much the bottled water was.

and it's a tragedy I never got your name and I'll never see you again.

Love,

The girl in the Ray-Ban shades.

Nerd boy has:

a cute smile

cute nerd glasses

piercing eyes

a tall body

biceps

tousled black hair

khaki pants

black shirt

I'd put my doodle here, but I'm too lazy to scan and upload it :(

Read More

Late Post but Woah

DEAR HYDE & REINA,

HELP!!!

So Macy doesn't know that I know her facebook password cuz' I'm pretty sneaky and shit and I know I'm not supposed to be hacking her profile, I mean I was just going to delete one embarrassing photo but then I got tempted to read a convo and daamn, it was just so shocking, I mean I thought I was pretty good at reading people but shit shit shit. I had no idea this was coming.

So then, last Wednesday Macy andLiam kept sending each other these secret messages through their phones and weird inside jokes. Macy has a phone lock, which I know the password to too, but I'm pretty good at acting dumb so I pretend I'm just trying to guess what her password is because they wouldn't tell me what all the fuss was all about. I just read the most recent message saying something about "Should we tell Paige" or something like that, so I think "Meeh. Nothing to do with me" so I leave it alone. Honestly whenever I'm with Macy and Liam I always feel left out, but it's probably cause I'm too boring.  




No Fcking Way

In fact when Liam texted me later on, I didn't feel like replying at all, because I didn't want to sound interesting virtually and then when faced in reality I'd be boring as heck, so I kept it pretty dull. He just asked me if Paige and Macy were pissed because they haven't replied when he INVITED them to eat out, I was the last person he told so I guess that made me feel really special. Right now he's at Poland, probably enjoying his time fishing or something.

So anyway I read this conversation Macy had with Liam and I saw my name, so curious little Amy checks it out and BAM, I had to scroll up so many times to see the whole conversation from where it started. This whole time I thought Liam didn't think I was that interesting because whenever we hung out he barely notices me because he's either having a food fight with adorable Paige, or having inside jokes with Macy.

I was like...the commentator. 

Anyway, I've told reina all about this so I don't have to elaborate on his colorful ideas on how to ask me to prom. There it is Hyde, Liam is asking me to prom. He's going to invite me to go skating next week at Macy's pre-birthday celeb and on the high bridge facing the rink there'll be a banner saying "PROM?"

(I'm pretending not to know about any of this)
I think it's too public but I'm actually thinking of the option of saying yes, because I kind of want to experience prom in Athens but idk....idk


Love,
Amy



November 11, 2012
Saturday

Read More

This Too Shall Pass

Dear Reina, 

You are the unique! The one and only ♥

   I think everyone goes through the awkward phase, but it's going to be alright because everything has an end to it, even awkwardness. Besides, I don't find you awkward at all!

I used to be in a much worse position, instead of both of us not talking, I was the only one who didn't talk in the group, it was a nightmare! And omg yes, I had the exact same fear of reminiscing my horrible high school days when I become "an awesome 21-year old", in fact I still have the same fear. The fear that instead of high school being the best years of my life, it wold be the opposite.

I'm so sorry giving advice and writing isn't really my specialty but i want you to know that I'll always be there for you. You are the one and only original Reina. You are beautiful in so many ways so just stay the way you are. You don't even have to think about it.

Things will get better :-)

Love ya so much weirdo!

Read More

Sounds Tragic

Lucky One

New to town with a made up name in the angel city,
Chasing fortune and fame.
And the camera flashes, make it look like a dream.

You had it figured out since you were in school.
Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool.
So overnight you look like a sixties’ queen.

Another name goes up in lights, like diamonds in the sky.

And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Yeah, they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
But can you tell me now, you’re the lucky one.






Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views,
And your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you
And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page.

And they tell you that you’re lucky.
But you’re so confused,
Cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used.
And all the young things line up to take your place.

Another name goes up in lights. You wonder if you’ll make it out alive.

And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Yeah, they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Can you tell me now, you’re the lucky one, oh, oh, oh.

It was a few years later, I showed up here.
And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared,
How you took the money and your dignity, and got the hell out.
They say you bought a bunch of land somewhere,
Chose the Rose Garden over Madison Square,
And it took some time, but I understand it now.

‘Cause now my name is up in lights, but I think you got it right,

Let me tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Let me tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Let me tell you now, you’re the lucky one, oh, oh, oh.

And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
Yeah, they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one.
And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, whoa, oh, oh.


Okay, so this song has nothing to do with me but I just find it so heartbreaking.

To me it's this tragic tale about a girl who chased her dreams because she thought it would be all sparkles and diamonds; perfection. But instead she finds out that not everything that glitters is gold. Soon the dream starts to fade away, and slowly people started replacing her but it was too late when she realized that she's forgotten about the things that actually mattered because she was so disillusioned.

She gets everything she's ever wanted
but instead of the feeling loved and wanted like she's always imagined
she's all alone;
and the one person that truly mattered to her doesn't even recognize her anymore because she's changed so much, and she's so famous and distant that it's like she doesn't even remember him,
but truly he's all she ever thinks about, all she really needs.

The tragedy is he doesn't even know this so he tries to moves on and forget about her but she still keeps up with him through stories and whispers in the streets.

So maybe this song has a whole new meaning to other people, but I'll stick with mine.

Read More

The Bonfire

Dear Hyde,

So my parents said I could go to the bonfire event. I had all the reasons to go..so I did. The sad part was when I got there, we couldn't reach each other because of the signal jammer! I was alone for like, half an hour and I looked like I just got stood up. Literally alone in a crowd of people. Thank goodness some of my friends were attending the bonfire too! So I went with them, which was such a relief!

After that I tried finding a signal but I still couldn't reach Liam because he was in the jammer zone.So then I dragged Gabriella along to find signal since she was trying to contact this boy as well. We were out there standing in random places like the parking lot, the pedestrian, the sidewalk, EVERYHERE.

Sadly, Gabriella and her guy never saw met that night, because he left early and they had no contact. What a piss off.


On the bright side, by some magical reason, Liam spotted me while we were searching for a signal and mind you, it was pretty late when we found each other, I got there at 7pm and he found me at around 9pm! After that we accompanied Gabriella because she needed to find signal and then she needed to find Bea and the others (which took like, forever). After that we watched fireworks show and then me and Liam left the group and went to get food cause we were starving. We passed by the concert arena and felt like rocking out but we were afraid we were going to stand out since the only people who were rocking out were at the far end, so instead we awkwardly bobbed our heads for like 3 minutes and walked away laughing at our own silly antics.

So then I bought a sad cold nutella waffle and Liam got a himself a nice little "sister burger" (yes, that's really what you call it) lol! I tell him my waffle was cold and soggy so he tells me to take a bite out of his burger...he was holding the burger so I say "I think you're forgetting you're a guy" and he's like "so?" and I tell him "It's going to look awkward" because obviously we're of the opposite sex.

Sadly, he doesn't grasp the concept.

People might think we're together or something which is bad. Anyway! SO then we sit on the sidewalk and we talk about random things until 11, after that I was afraid my parents would catch me going home late (they were out) so I told him I needed to go and he walks me home half way.

Strangely I was completely myself around him and it was not that awkward at all, I had a good time! :)

xo Amy

Read More

Rookiemag is Love

Dear Reina,

Okay, so this site --> http://rookiemag.com/

Is UH-MAZING!!!

Love, love loove all the perfectly imperfect vintage photos!!

And the really cool articles :--)
Thank you for sharing this with me, girl!

Oh and HAHA at that gif! How'd you know I was missing Zooey? ♥

Read More

Something Extraordinary

Dear Hyde,

Today is going down in the history of my life as:
The day I told mom I had a friend of the male specie and asked for her permission if I could hang out as FRIENDS with this guy.

I know it seems pretty lame that I actually find this extraordinary, but you must understand that I NEVER talk to my parents about boys.They're pretty much like aliens to me..from my parents point of view.

In truth, I never tell them about how I'm actually depressed about the fact that I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend or a love life, or about how hot that guy is, or how weird or how funny that boy is. In fact, I barely tell them anything about my life aside from the food I eat and my class schedule.

I never tell them about my any of my social engagements or weird or sad stuff that happens to me daily.

And now that I realize it... I've never really known how this whole distance thing happened. But it sucks.
I wish I could weave all my feelings into words to show the depth of my meaning, but sadly not everyone is gifted with the skill of writing.


Word of the day: "Rise"

You know how sometimes you come across a random word twice or thrice in your day and somehow you've got an odd feeling that somehow it's connected to you through the work of some mysterious force?
Well, that word will be the content of my "word of the day"



xo Amy


10.11.12
Thursday

Read More

Lazy as Heck

Dear Hyde,

I am perhaps, the laziest person in the whole wide world...well maybe not the whole wide world, but you get the point.  










This whole second term, the only time I remember studying was when I was with Paige and Macy and I was actually just pressured into participating. It's only like, the second week of the second term and I've already received a letter from the year level coordinator concerning my tardiness and infractions. 5 days of continuously being tardy and 3 counts of infraction for using my phone, to be specific. It's terrible, this could affect my future like, a great deal!

I feel like these things don't really matter. My parents aren't pushing me to do any better. Like, I used to think it was awesome how they didn't pressure me at all and they didn't scold me about how horrible my grades were or my punctuality or anything. In fact, I'm still really happy about it. I mean, everyone else is raging about how their parents are never content with the amount of effort they exert, and honestly, that's a shame.
I'd never want to be in that position. So I'm extremely grateful for that.

But lately, I'm starting to realize that I actually need a little pressure because I'm finding it extremely hard to discipline myself. I need help.

Amy

10.11.12 (the date is really cool!)
Thursday

Read More