Extremely Long and Cheesy Post

Dear Hyde,

It's funny how a while ago, out of the blue i just posted about how I felt like Reina and I weren't talking anymore and all of a sudden she pops a question on my tumblr, asking me if I was mad because the last few times I've seen her in school I sent her nasty looks, it was a joke ofcourse, i just wanted to let her know that I was "pissed" because she wasn't replying to my messages, but I love that bitch way too much to actually get mad at her :-)

So anyway I explain why I was "mad" and she explains why she hasn't been replying and we talk a little and gosh we had some catching up to do! I missed that weirdo soo much! And I needed to find a way to actually let her in on things regularly and know about what's going on in my life. So an idea popped into my head and voila! She now has access to all my letters to you Hyde, all the good, the bad and the ugly about me shall be revealed to this trusted friend!

I will try my best not to be conscious of what I write and pretend no one is reading any of this.


                             


So to let you in on how I met Reina, it all started in 2nd year high school, class of 2-9....

2nd year highschool was a nightmare. I was alone for half of the year, and it was horrible, I was actually terrified of hearing the words "by group" or "by friends". I didn't want to stand alone in a crowd and feel unwanted because no one wanted me to be their groupmate. My lonerdom started when I decided to choose the people whom I talked to. I guess I felt I needed to because my friends were so judgemental about people that I was pressured to do the same. To summarize, I started off on the wrong foot. Eventually, it all backfired because soon enough I didn't have anyone to talk to at all.

I was pretty much labeled as "the class loner". And it was true. I was alone.
And when you feel alone, it can really break you. And that wasn't just in the classroom, it happened outstide too, with which made it all the worse. Being with Paige, Macy and Daphne made me feel more alone than I was, when I was literally alone.. if that even makes sense. They were so connected and I didn't connect with any of them at the time.

Everyday, I'd dread going to recess and lunch with them because I felt so invisible and unwanted, like I was only there because there wasn't a decent way to dispose of me.They'd make jokes and laugh and tell stories and I would smile and laugh along but they only talked to each other and I only watched and listened. The insults and jokes about me being so silent and out of place or about my physical appearance didn't help at all.

The lonliness I felt at that point was immense. I thought it would never end.

And then came 3rd quarter. My homeroom advisor was "kind" enough to let us sit with our friends.
Which I had none of, so I was pushed and dragged along seats because everyone wanted to be seated next to their friends, evetually I ended up in the last column.

I was actually envy of Reina because a bunch of other people wanted to sit next to her,
Ella even asked me to move seats so Reina could sit next to her...and I did.

I ended up at the last column, next to the windows. By twist of faith, Reina's seat next to Ella was taken and she ends up seated in the same column, right in front of me. The first few weeks we didn't talk that much and it was still pretty awkward, until one day we had to pick our partners for the field trip and luckily I ended up with Reina, cause all her other friends had partners already.
Hence, the beautiful beginning of our friendship! WOOHOO!!!

 We started out by talking about the field trip guide who wouldn't stop talking even if no one was listening to a word he was saying, about how much I wanted to sing along with the people at the end of the bus, but that would've seemed like I was trying to squeeze myself in, about our insecurities, about how we thought love wasn't real anymore and how it was only "a trick to make people reproduce" and her love for the Beatles (which was really unique and cool) and her secret rage against Vicky; a girl who tried to read her private journal and blackmailed her to rip a page of her magazine. I don't remember everything that happened but I do know that it was perhaps the first day I actually felt happy to be in my class.

After that we got to know each other even better and pretty soon her weirdness was revelaed and so was mine. And together we were weirdmates! We enjoyed weird cat and -ohmygosh- cucumber jokes. And had a merry merry time together! I told her all my secrets and she told me hers.  She was the only person who actually noticed I was faking smiles, the one I told all my problems about, the only who understood and cared, I think, more than anyone else.

 It was because of this girl that I didn't feel so alone that year.

She was the epitome of hope and "light in the darkness".

It's really sad though, how the year ended so soon and we weren't classmates anymore. We've only known each other for a couple of months and  though we don't hang out as much as I do with my other friends, she's still the one I trust the most, because I know she understands me.

So to you Reina, thank you so much! I love you from the bottom of my little heart.


Okay I'm really sorry for making this such a long and cheesy post! 


xo Amy



Octoberr 6, 2012
Saturday